i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
