Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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