So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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