I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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