Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
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I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You took a bar mat shot.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
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He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level