I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube