I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial