dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
