Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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