Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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