I think I died a long time ago.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
