remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
