dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
