The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i dont even know how to be here
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
