Three words: puerto rican gang bang
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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