youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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