don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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