Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize