why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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