grandma shit on top of the toilet
farters have to be the big spoon...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
