in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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