Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
