i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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