he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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