so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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