I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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