when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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