sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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