And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
