best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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