He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
