wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
