sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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