I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
