I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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