we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
