By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
