Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
