youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
