I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Watching her eat just hurts me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
