Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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