you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
