dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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