i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
