are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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