I wish i was in the wii world.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
