I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
