a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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