Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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