Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
