It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
