I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
