i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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