I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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