Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
