I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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