The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wish there were birth control emojis
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
