it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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