so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
