Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
