He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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