Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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