Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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