Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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