So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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