It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
not ubering you a puppy
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
