I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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