my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Still dying that you shit outside
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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