I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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