i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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